


And It Hurt

by fyeahimking



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Broken, Broken Heart, Gore, Hurt, Love, Not Much but Kind of, Pain, Teen and Up for coarse language, Unrequited Love, curse words, mentally unwell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 01:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4809347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fyeahimking/pseuds/fyeahimking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And it made her feel empty. It made her feel like there was a chasm inside of her, one that she'd never manage to fill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And It Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I found a Vine edit of Raven to a song called Medicine that I absolutely love. (the edit and the song) There were multiple overlays of words and the one that really screamed at me was EMPTY. The word itself isn't actually in this piece but it's where it came from. This is my first time writing from Raven's point of view (third-person but hers) and I'm not sure how well I captured her but I'm actually super happy with this piece. It's severely unedited (as in I wrote it ten minutes ago in less than ten minutes and have read over it once) because I didn't want to damage* it too much. I may eventually post an edited version if I ever decide to edit it.
> 
> *When I say damage I'm not saying that editing your work is bad or that I don't edit mine, (I do, _heavily_ ) but I was really happy with this idea and pretty much all of the writing the first time I read through. I knew that if I kept reading over it I'd find mistakes, yes, I'd find the ones I need to find that make the writing bad, but I would also find ones that I'm making up and taking parts of the writing I previously thought were good out. 
> 
> A song for this piece: Medicine by Daughter.
> 
> Edit: I began this with Finn being dead in mind (that's why it seems like she's having hallucinations of him and she's the only one hearing his voice) then it flipped like he wasn't then he was and it went back and forth for a while. I still have yet to decide so it is up to you and your interpretation. Also, the word I mentioned earlier is in it, actually, because I thought of a line when I read it again (the second time) and I liked it.

And it hurt. 

Her heart _hurt_ in a way that she'd never thought it would, hell, she never thought it _could_. It felt like someone had ripped it out of her chest and stomped the living shit out of it, had stabbed it and punched it and torn it to shreds, then shoved it back inside of her body and expected it to work. The worst part was that it did, it continued to beat restlessly, forcing her to live on. She listened to it's uneven _ba dum dum, ba da dum da_ constantly and she started to wonder if it was actually her broken heart or if it was her mind as it crumbled. 

Then there was a part of her that said she wasn't allowed to be this girl, she wasn't allowed to hurt like this. This was the type of shit that a ditzy, cookie-cutter blond felt when the Quarterback decided he wanted to fuck someone else. But then a different part of her _screamed_ that this was nothing like anything the blond had experienced, it was nothing like _anyone had ever experienced_. This was her own personal heartbreak, completely tailored to her.

And it made her feel empty. It made her feel like there was a chasm inside of her, one that she'd never manage to fill.

And she saw him everywhere. She saw him in the woods when she went with Bellamy to hunt and she saw him over Clarke's shoulder when she asked Raven if she was okay for the _third_ time that day. She saw his eyes in Jasper's and his smile in Murphy's, that mischievous twist of his lips that said it was going to be dangerous, but a hell of a lot of fun as well. If she didn't leave her cabin she was safe, sure she saw him outside of it, when she looked out the window or opened the door because the fire had made it hot and she'd started to feel like she was suffocating. 

He'd always call out to her in the darkness of the clearing, where the big fire was in the middle of camp. He'd call her name in the middle of the night, when everyone was asleep and there was no one around to help her fight. (Not that she'd let them.) He'd beg her to follow him, to let him show her a new adventure, to let him touch her the way he did when they were still floating so high in the sky. 

To let him love her again. 

She'd hear his whispers in her dreams. She never believed them, dreams after all were a figment of your imagination, you literally dreamed them up, they were nothing but fantasy. But she always remembered his words. 

_Let me protect you again._

_I love you._

_I'm so happy you're safe._

_Please, I'm begging you to let me apologise._

_I do love you, I swear it._

_I am so sorry, it meant nothing to me._

That one always made her wake up, she'd jolt up in her bed and try not to scream (if she wasn't already screaming, that was.) Those words always came with a vision of him. He had said those words to her after all, really did, alive and in the flesh. It felt so long ago. But he was lying. She could see it in his eyes, it meant so much, even if he didn't know. It meant enough to him that he was beginning to question if he could love two people at once. 

The problem was that he didn't, he only loved one, at least in that particular way. 

He loved Raven as a friend, he wanted to protect her but he didn't love her that way anymore and he hated himself for it. It didn't matter anyway, he'd once reasoned, Clarke didn't want him, she didn't want anyone. 

He wanted her and she didn't want him. 

But Raven did. Oh, she wanted him back so badly. 

_And it hurt._


End file.
